My dad passed away a few years ago in 2001. It was a pretty tragic year for me as we experienced the tragedy of 9/11 that year just over a month and a half later before I lost my father October 31, So that was a tough time and although looking back on it it feels like it was kind of a blur. Maybe that's a self defense mechanism. I'm not really sure but what I do know is that it's still a tender place in my heart.
I just got off the phone with my mom and she's about 2500 miles away from me, about as far as you can get in the United States. Unless you live in Hawaii or Alaska anyway. And it makes me sad to think that there's a good chance that I won't be around her except for brief periods now and then for the rest of our lives. And it makes me want to think about making some pretty substantial changes in our living situations if I were to go be near her.
It would mean up rooting two teenage children from the school they've been in for the last eight years just as they enter their high school years. It would mean renegotiating the situation with my in-laws where they had planned on coming to live with us after my father-in-law decides to retire. That most likely will be within the next year . So what it would mean for them one of two things. Either they don't come and live with us or they decide to move with us to a totally different place.
My point is there would be substantial sacrifices or at least changes in everyone's plans if I were to try to make it so that I was close to my mother during what most likely are her final years on this earth. So I'm torn as usual. In case you hadn't noticed that's a pretty common theme here in this blog. I seem to be always torn about something. It's not that I'm torn between what's right or wrong. Usually i'm torn between what's better and best. In this case I'm torn between a situation that would be very comfortable for my in-laws and spending much my mother's final years with her.
For my in-laws have a lot of family in this part of the country and none in the other. So they would have to give that up. Plus they've never lived in that part of the country so that would be something new for them and believe me they're not big on new. They like things to be familiar and comfortable as I suppose most of us do. So here I am stuck in the middle. I imagine something that would be convenient if I could pull it off, would be to have a home in both locations. I just thought of that. So there, another advantage of having a blog. You get to work out some new solutions to your problems.I'm not sure what I'm going to do but it sure makes life interesting.
We took a little vacation last weekend and visited a place that I love dearly. It's a place where I often forget about my regular life. The one with kids and dogs and responsibilities and work and for a moment I remember what's really important. I remember that I am here on this earth for a reason and it's not about making breakfast or talking to one more client or to fixing another computer. It's to live my life in the best way I can, in a way that will bless other people and will bring glory to God.
I often find myself thinking about what I need to do but so many of the things of our everyday life just get in the way. Plenty of things I want to do like to read and there's plenty of things I'd like to do. I would like to be able to help people in some way to make a difference in this world even if it's a small one. But those small things as you well know make a significant difference.
My kids went to Mexico on a mission trip not too long ago and the impact that they had while they were there seem to be tremendous. They came back with different ways of thinking and ways that I'm very thankful for. I'm not saying I want to be a missionary or even that I want to take trips to foreign places to try to make a difference but I do want to make a significant difference in people's lives.
We have a family friend that we have supported through some very difficult times in her life and that's the kind of thing I'm talking about. She counts us as two of her best friends in the world I'm sure. In the top five I'm sure. And I can tell you this, my wife and I have got more satisfaction from helping her than probably anything else we've done. We've stood by her no matter what happened and have helped her in the worst of circumstances. Even when she didn't deserve it. But really that's not the point. The point is to help not to judge and that's where in our case at least, the satisfaction comes from.
So once again, I muddle through my life trying to make a difference trying to stay focused on that which will make the most impact and be significant as my years of life slip away and I'm here sharing it with you now as I will continue to do as long as it's advantageous to both of us.
I often find myself thinking about what I need to do but so many of the things of our everyday life just get in the way. Plenty of things I want to do like to read and there's plenty of things I'd like to do. I would like to be able to help people in some way to make a difference in this world even if it's a small one. But those small things as you well know make a significant difference.
My kids went to Mexico on a mission trip not too long ago and the impact that they had while they were there seem to be tremendous. They came back with different ways of thinking and ways that I'm very thankful for. I'm not saying I want to be a missionary or even that I want to take trips to foreign places to try to make a difference but I do want to make a significant difference in people's lives.
We have a family friend that we have supported through some very difficult times in her life and that's the kind of thing I'm talking about. She counts us as two of her best friends in the world I'm sure. In the top five I'm sure. And I can tell you this, my wife and I have got more satisfaction from helping her than probably anything else we've done. We've stood by her no matter what happened and have helped her in the worst of circumstances. Even when she didn't deserve it. But really that's not the point. The point is to help not to judge and that's where in our case at least, the satisfaction comes from.
So once again, I muddle through my life trying to make a difference trying to stay focused on that which will make the most impact and be significant as my years of life slip away and I'm here sharing it with you now as I will continue to do as long as it's advantageous to both of us.
It has been a while since I wrote in my blog here so I figured it was time to get busy and put up a post. Finding time with the busy family to do something seemingly unimportant as post to my personal blog seems trivial but after I make a post I always feel like I've accomplished something.
Kinda funny ha? Isn't it weird that just by posting this drivel that runs through my mind I can feel like I've actually done something for the day. Each time I put up a new post it gives me a sense of accomplishment, one that is only superseded if I can post more than once a week.
It would be interesting to get into the statistics of those of us that blog for personal reasons. And find out what really motivates us to write the things we write. If you read most of what's written in personal blogs truth be known, nobody cares about most of what we write. You would think that after this was discovered or realized we would stop writing but the truth is we don't generally write for someone else. We write for ourselves. We write so we can get that sense of accomplishment. So we can feel as if our lives are important even if it's only important to us. How's that for twisted logic?
I think it's a real blessing that we have this outlet where we can merge our love for technology with our desire for self-expression. In times past the only way we could have that feeling was to go out and buy some sort of new writing utensil or journal to put our thoughts in. But now there are endless ways that we can play with our technology and have our moment of self expression all wrapped up in a little box that nobody we even know has to know about. Isn't technology grand!
Kinda funny ha? Isn't it weird that just by posting this drivel that runs through my mind I can feel like I've actually done something for the day. Each time I put up a new post it gives me a sense of accomplishment, one that is only superseded if I can post more than once a week.
It would be interesting to get into the statistics of those of us that blog for personal reasons. And find out what really motivates us to write the things we write. If you read most of what's written in personal blogs truth be known, nobody cares about most of what we write. You would think that after this was discovered or realized we would stop writing but the truth is we don't generally write for someone else. We write for ourselves. We write so we can get that sense of accomplishment. So we can feel as if our lives are important even if it's only important to us. How's that for twisted logic?
I think it's a real blessing that we have this outlet where we can merge our love for technology with our desire for self-expression. In times past the only way we could have that feeling was to go out and buy some sort of new writing utensil or journal to put our thoughts in. But now there are endless ways that we can play with our technology and have our moment of self expression all wrapped up in a little box that nobody we even know has to know about. Isn't technology grand!
It is now 12am on Thursday and for the first time a little while I find it difficult to come up with a topic to share with you in this post. There wasn't anything particularly impressive about this day other than maybe I didn't feel real good. I've had a quite some time on an off and it's probably related to some dental work that I need to get done so that is no big surprise. I have come to the conclusion that I now officially have asthma. I tried to play it off as maybe I'm just a little bit out of shape or possibly tired but I read a pamphlet that came with some medication my wife picked up and every one of the symptoms they described I have two the T.
So I've resigned myself to the fact that I probably need to see a doctor and deal with asthma. Here is what the pamphlet had to say and what convinced me that I in fact do have asthma: and I quote "asthma causes repeated episodes of wheezing, breathlessness, chest tightness, and nighttime or early morning coughing. "
If you knew me or were in or around me you would see that I have every one of these symptoms exactly. The only one I don't have and I'm very thankful for is the nighttime coughing. I do have the morning coughing.
So I guess I did in fact have something to say tonight as I am sure you are very interested in my self diaginosis of having asthma. From what I understand it doesn't usually go away so I guess it's time for me to get educated about that topic. I wonder how many more of these "topics" I'm going to have to deal with as I get older? It should be an interesting ride I don't think it's unique to me I certainly have heard so many people say that they feel in their mind so much younger than the feel of the body and they don't quite comprehend what's happening to them and why sometimes they are not able to do things they used to be able to do. Or what happened to this ability or that ability.
I suppose it's just part of getting older and maybe the approach should be to accept it or on the other hand maybe the approach should be to ignore it. I'm really not sure what the best way to do it , For now it's certainly confusing.
So I've resigned myself to the fact that I probably need to see a doctor and deal with asthma. Here is what the pamphlet had to say and what convinced me that I in fact do have asthma: and I quote "asthma causes repeated episodes of wheezing, breathlessness, chest tightness, and nighttime or early morning coughing. "
If you knew me or were in or around me you would see that I have every one of these symptoms exactly. The only one I don't have and I'm very thankful for is the nighttime coughing. I do have the morning coughing.
So I guess I did in fact have something to say tonight as I am sure you are very interested in my self diaginosis of having asthma. From what I understand it doesn't usually go away so I guess it's time for me to get educated about that topic. I wonder how many more of these "topics" I'm going to have to deal with as I get older? It should be an interesting ride I don't think it's unique to me I certainly have heard so many people say that they feel in their mind so much younger than the feel of the body and they don't quite comprehend what's happening to them and why sometimes they are not able to do things they used to be able to do. Or what happened to this ability or that ability.
I suppose it's just part of getting older and maybe the approach should be to accept it or on the other hand maybe the approach should be to ignore it. I'm really not sure what the best way to do it , For now it's certainly confusing.
Finding time to be quite and still even in a home where I'm all by myself seems to be difficult. There's so much going on all the time and to make matters even worse the list seems to continually get longer so find me a few minutes to sit still and be quiet and not be preoccupied by that list is probably one of the most difficult things that I have a struggle with. Right up there with struggling to get to the gym and start that workout program that I've been promising myself for so long.
It's one of those things that is so easy to put off so easy to relegate to the bottom of my to do list. I make a decision and did something pops into my head that says nope, you can't do that now you need to, fill in the blank. It could be anything from the dogs need to be said for the dishes need to be washed or even just something as simple as throwing in a basket of laundry. Almost anything can see more important than taking 15 to 20 minutes out of your busy life to be quiet and do nothing.
Now here's the funny part. I know from my own experience that those 20 minutes if practiced regularly will totally change the way and the manner and the speed at which you accomplish everything else in your daily life. I can speak with some authority on this issue because 10 years ago I spent two years practicing meditation twice a day for 20 minutes.
I can tell you without a doubt that although my problems did not go away, my approach to those problems was totally different than it is today and the stress that I experienced or I should say the lack of stress that I experienced was remarkably different than what it is today.
If you have had any incarnation to begin a program of quiet meditation whether you have had much formal training in the practice or not I would encourage you to take that first step or more accurately take those first few steps and as they say in the Nike ads just do it. In a relatively short period of time you will notice a profound difference in your life this I can tell you for sure based on my own experience as I mentioned earlier of practicing meditation twice a day for two years. There is no doubt, there is absolutely no doubt this change will happen to you. It's not a matter of belief, it's not a matter of faith, it is a matter of fact.
It's one of those things that is so easy to put off so easy to relegate to the bottom of my to do list. I make a decision and did something pops into my head that says nope, you can't do that now you need to, fill in the blank. It could be anything from the dogs need to be said for the dishes need to be washed or even just something as simple as throwing in a basket of laundry. Almost anything can see more important than taking 15 to 20 minutes out of your busy life to be quiet and do nothing.
Now here's the funny part. I know from my own experience that those 20 minutes if practiced regularly will totally change the way and the manner and the speed at which you accomplish everything else in your daily life. I can speak with some authority on this issue because 10 years ago I spent two years practicing meditation twice a day for 20 minutes.
I can tell you without a doubt that although my problems did not go away, my approach to those problems was totally different than it is today and the stress that I experienced or I should say the lack of stress that I experienced was remarkably different than what it is today.
If you have had any incarnation to begin a program of quiet meditation whether you have had much formal training in the practice or not I would encourage you to take that first step or more accurately take those first few steps and as they say in the Nike ads just do it. In a relatively short period of time you will notice a profound difference in your life this I can tell you for sure based on my own experience as I mentioned earlier of practicing meditation twice a day for two years. There is no doubt, there is absolutely no doubt this change will happen to you. It's not a matter of belief, it's not a matter of faith, it is a matter of fact.
I live in a drama filled home at least on some days and today seems to be one of those days. It has been filled with every kind of drama that one could imagine from the animals to the children to my wife, you name it it's all been there.
Did you grow up in a drama filled home? I certainly didn't, to the contrary, the home I grew up in was very very calm almost all the time. Except when my sister or myself in to trouble and it wasn't drama so much as we were just in a lot of trouble.
I know at least part of the reason is the fact that there is at least a generation between myself and my children, 35 years to be exact. And that alone can cause a big difference in how one is brought up and what kind of environment is created but I have to take responsibility for the fact that I have allowed our home to have a lot more drama than my home when I was growing up.
It seems so much harder now just to keep things sane and to keep everyone moving in the same direction. There are so many distractions, so many things to take away one's attention from what is important at least what we in this family deemed as important.
I suppose we'll just have to keep trying, keep chipping away and trying to make a difference in the way of the direction that we are taking. In some ways it may be too late because the mold has been set to some degree with my teenage children and it may not be possible to remake that mold at this late stage.
I guess only time will tell and we will have to deal with the consequences of that in their homes. It may be one of those situations where the pendulum swings from one extreme to another from generation to generation so far at least for me it seems to me that's the case. I moved from one side of the spectrum to the other and now hopefully my children will move in the other direction again but maybe not to the extreme that my childhood family did.
Did you grow up in a drama filled home? I certainly didn't, to the contrary, the home I grew up in was very very calm almost all the time. Except when my sister or myself in to trouble and it wasn't drama so much as we were just in a lot of trouble.
I know at least part of the reason is the fact that there is at least a generation between myself and my children, 35 years to be exact. And that alone can cause a big difference in how one is brought up and what kind of environment is created but I have to take responsibility for the fact that I have allowed our home to have a lot more drama than my home when I was growing up.
It seems so much harder now just to keep things sane and to keep everyone moving in the same direction. There are so many distractions, so many things to take away one's attention from what is important at least what we in this family deemed as important.
I suppose we'll just have to keep trying, keep chipping away and trying to make a difference in the way of the direction that we are taking. In some ways it may be too late because the mold has been set to some degree with my teenage children and it may not be possible to remake that mold at this late stage.
I guess only time will tell and we will have to deal with the consequences of that in their homes. It may be one of those situations where the pendulum swings from one extreme to another from generation to generation so far at least for me it seems to me that's the case. I moved from one side of the spectrum to the other and now hopefully my children will move in the other direction again but maybe not to the extreme that my childhood family did.
My wife and I have been experiencing some interesting situations in our marriage for the first time and they present problems for us, maybe I shouldn't say problems but challenges for us, that if faced properly could take our marriage to whole new level. As we both mature it seems that we both want to take more and more control of our lives jointly so as to assure what in our minds, would be success. Because we are both strong-willed, we come upon unique situations on a regular basis.
There has never been a doubt that we love one another and that we will work through this in our marriage. But at the same time I must say it's challenging to be mature, show respect and look for the right answers at the same time. I suppose that only shows our areas of weakness and we should be grateful that we recognize it for what it is.
It seems that growth is always messy, there never is an easy way to grow and it's something that you really can't avoid. I do know some times in my own life I have avoided it for a time but in the end it always finds a way will creep back up.
I am very thankful that we both want to work this out, and when I say work this out I don't mean to insinuate that we would do anything otherwise. It is a joy to have a spouse that can look at a challenging situation standing next to you knowing that we disagree and knowing that we'll find a way. So let me just say in case there's any doubt I love my wife and would do anything for her and feel like she would do the same so we are very fortunate indeed. I reminded her yesterday when we were facing a job-related challenge that in comparison to so many of our friends and business associates we have such a beautiful relationship that I'm sure they would be very envious of if they fully understood it.
In the end, we'll get it figured out and I know that it will get sweeter and sweeter as time goes by.
There has never been a doubt that we love one another and that we will work through this in our marriage. But at the same time I must say it's challenging to be mature, show respect and look for the right answers at the same time. I suppose that only shows our areas of weakness and we should be grateful that we recognize it for what it is.
It seems that growth is always messy, there never is an easy way to grow and it's something that you really can't avoid. I do know some times in my own life I have avoided it for a time but in the end it always finds a way will creep back up.
I am very thankful that we both want to work this out, and when I say work this out I don't mean to insinuate that we would do anything otherwise. It is a joy to have a spouse that can look at a challenging situation standing next to you knowing that we disagree and knowing that we'll find a way. So let me just say in case there's any doubt I love my wife and would do anything for her and feel like she would do the same so we are very fortunate indeed. I reminded her yesterday when we were facing a job-related challenge that in comparison to so many of our friends and business associates we have such a beautiful relationship that I'm sure they would be very envious of if they fully understood it.
In the end, we'll get it figured out and I know that it will get sweeter and sweeter as time goes by.
One of the things that I struggle with the most is finding balance between the things that I want to do and need to do and spending time with those that I love the most. I'm talking about my family of course and my friends.
It's a real struggle at times to figure out where the balance is when I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, the tasks that are required by life. I find I feel guilty and want to spend time with my family. And of course it's the opposite when I'm with my family and friends I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough and feel like I ought to be working.
Am I the only one that this happens to? Or is this a common occurrence in the human race? And then there's the whole of the question of what to do about it? How do you find the balance? Where's the line supposed to be drawn and who's the one that's supposed to decide?and then there's another question, why do I keep asking all these questions? It's like this never ending stream of inquisitive subjects that flow out of my mind but I want answers to.
Okay now I'm going to get philosophical. I suppose the answer might lie in the purpose for us being here on this earth. Maybe we're supposed to figure out where the balance is or may be we're supposed to figure out that we don't have to figure it out and it's really not all that important. Maybe, what were supposed to be doing is living in the moment and enjoying our lives and things will just flow a lot smoother. I like that one, I like that explanation!
Well, I don't suppose we're going to solve this dilemma today but I do enjoy the mental exercise that I don't get by doing laundry and playing at the park so for that I'm thankful and for that I will continue to spend my time living in the moment here on this blog.
It's a real struggle at times to figure out where the balance is when I'm doing what I'm supposed to do, the tasks that are required by life. I find I feel guilty and want to spend time with my family. And of course it's the opposite when I'm with my family and friends I feel guilty that I'm not doing enough and feel like I ought to be working.
Am I the only one that this happens to? Or is this a common occurrence in the human race? And then there's the whole of the question of what to do about it? How do you find the balance? Where's the line supposed to be drawn and who's the one that's supposed to decide?and then there's another question, why do I keep asking all these questions? It's like this never ending stream of inquisitive subjects that flow out of my mind but I want answers to.
Okay now I'm going to get philosophical. I suppose the answer might lie in the purpose for us being here on this earth. Maybe we're supposed to figure out where the balance is or may be we're supposed to figure out that we don't have to figure it out and it's really not all that important. Maybe, what were supposed to be doing is living in the moment and enjoying our lives and things will just flow a lot smoother. I like that one, I like that explanation!
Well, I don't suppose we're going to solve this dilemma today but I do enjoy the mental exercise that I don't get by doing laundry and playing at the park so for that I'm thankful and for that I will continue to spend my time living in the moment here on this blog.
I thought again today what I would write about in my blog and what came to mind was the fact that I struggle with what I have going on in my head and how I have found one peticular thing that has made all the difference in the world to me. I used to struggle all the time with the mental aspects of being successful in all that I do and because of that I used to wonder from time to time if I would ever be able to accomplish my dreams and goals.
Then recently I was listening to one of my favorite internet personalities and he said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. For you it may have been as obvious as the nose on your face but for me it was one of those things that I suppose I had to be ready for. What he said in essence was that if you give your self an out when you want to accomplish something you will not make it. In other words if you don't commit to it with all your heart and soul and mind you will have almost no chance of making it to the end.
That being said I decided right in that moment that I was going to change the way I looked at all the projects, big and small, that I endevored to accomplish. I was going to make up my mind and declair in my heart that if I was going to do something I was going to tell myself that was the fact. It was not a matter of if but a matter of when it would be accomplished. That my friend has made all the difference in the other thoughts that race through my mind and how I spend my time in every moment of every day, I find my self far more focused and far more intent on finishing what I set out to do. It has made all the difference.
Then recently I was listening to one of my favorite internet personalities and he said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. For you it may have been as obvious as the nose on your face but for me it was one of those things that I suppose I had to be ready for. What he said in essence was that if you give your self an out when you want to accomplish something you will not make it. In other words if you don't commit to it with all your heart and soul and mind you will have almost no chance of making it to the end.
That being said I decided right in that moment that I was going to change the way I looked at all the projects, big and small, that I endevored to accomplish. I was going to make up my mind and declair in my heart that if I was going to do something I was going to tell myself that was the fact. It was not a matter of if but a matter of when it would be accomplished. That my friend has made all the difference in the other thoughts that race through my mind and how I spend my time in every moment of every day, I find my self far more focused and far more intent on finishing what I set out to do. It has made all the difference.
I have been thinking of starting this blog for some time now but have been delaying it because I wasn't sure what to write about first. I wanted it to be passionate and I wanted it to be something I really had something to talk about. Well today I got my inspiration although it came from a most unexpected source,
I have been battling with the internet and router manufacturer for most of the day. Let me give you some back ground. I prefer a hard wired internet connection as I am on the internet quite a bit and I like the faster speed that a wired connection provides and besides I don't like to lay in bed and surf. But after a lot of hounding from my wife and kids I finally broke down and bought a wireless router. Broke down is definitely the word of the week.
You see last week I was quite happily just going on my merry way and then I tried to hook in this "high quality" wireless router and that is when it all fell apart. From that point on I have been struggling trying to get it all working again. I have had to buy a new modem; I spend about 5-6 hours on the phone with someone in India. I now have to return that wonderful router and get a replacement and hope it works.
So anyway, the best part about this ordeal is I got so fired up I thought I would use this story as my first post so here it is. My sad story of how I was abused by the system and how the internet is taking control of my life and yours and how we have changed from waiting on the telephone installation man into people that don't think we can live without the internet.
I have been battling with the internet and router manufacturer for most of the day. Let me give you some back ground. I prefer a hard wired internet connection as I am on the internet quite a bit and I like the faster speed that a wired connection provides and besides I don't like to lay in bed and surf. But after a lot of hounding from my wife and kids I finally broke down and bought a wireless router. Broke down is definitely the word of the week.
You see last week I was quite happily just going on my merry way and then I tried to hook in this "high quality" wireless router and that is when it all fell apart. From that point on I have been struggling trying to get it all working again. I have had to buy a new modem; I spend about 5-6 hours on the phone with someone in India. I now have to return that wonderful router and get a replacement and hope it works.
So anyway, the best part about this ordeal is I got so fired up I thought I would use this story as my first post so here it is. My sad story of how I was abused by the system and how the internet is taking control of my life and yours and how we have changed from waiting on the telephone installation man into people that don't think we can live without the internet.
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